untold stories reveal..

Heavy on my heart

2006-01-14T15:02:00.000-08:00

Is love so cruel? Correction(softening effect): Does love hurt? Again, like my tagline says.. my heart speaks the nonsensical things. Well, here goes. Everything before taking a step to commit into a relationship, it seems all well. Being so lovey-dovey on the phone, all the so-romantic-poet-flowery-words come out with no hesitation, promises made with not touching the ground, moons seem so bright, days come and go that not a minute we could actually get our mind off him/her. Then, comes a commitment.Thanks to the techonology, with sms its all been taken care off. 'Youre now my officially boyfriend/girfriend'. What more could you ask for at that moment. You sure did not speak for less than a minute. Your heart speaks languages that even you find it hard to interpret. Do the usual stuff a so called loving couple used to do. i.e. Watch movie, holding hands in the public(a soft message to the public saying hey he/she's mine and we're couple), have inhibited sex for hours or so,(if youre willing to do it) and you tend to put the world behind you.

Sun doesnt shine 365days. Conflict happens when doubts or insecurities has taken over you. Like everyone says, Shit happens.. And Shit does happen.. When it happens, you could live your life towards suicidal. You carry a burden you dont want to. You worry everytime. What could have been worst is, not uncommonly you blame the world of what had happened but yourself. The scenario is seen almost same to those who commit into relationship. Its better to let go than to suffer. Love should be fun and relax, not always about suffering. Its heavy on my heart. It sure is.. At times like these, sad songs with mundane lyrics helps. Yeah, helps you cry, but not helping you solve the complexity of your relatiobnships.There will always be an issue[s], that is why relationship can be done successfully to those who are tolerant, patience, and always compromy with his/her partner. Well, if supposingly things get out of hands and there
lies an underlying reason that our brain could hardly think the logic, the answer for this would be a final goodbye.

Invaluable lessons it sure does for those who have been there and actually experienced it. I, to some extend do not understand why should i fall in love again. Human being is funny as they could be(no exclusion clause for me). Totally. When they
initiated something, they might not know what they actually said or done. And then, when we tried to reciprocate, they back away. Irony or not.. i dont hv the answer.
Worse still, you find yourself unappreciated. The relationship remains "boh-liao"(meaningless). When you do a lot of thinking about it, you might as well make an attempt to two timing him/her. If you actually have broken up with him/her, you simply find a reason to replace the empty position to someone else. If him/her is smart enough(need not to be a mensa member,just logical thinking) he/she might say, "Well, perhaps when youre not on the rebound". :P

New Year's Eve

2005-12-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

Where to go on NYE?
wHERE? darn it.I aint in KL. If not,i can go out late at nite celebrating with friends... Together make the 10-9-8 countdown and boom! Fireworks all up above. Haha.
I guess am gonna watch it live from TV. arrrgh..so tension..

Christmas 2005

2005-12-27T23:12:00.000-08:00

Sad,very sad to say that Christmas this time round was dull for me.Ive had a better ones back in KL.I miss my friends back in KL... I wanna go home.

joie de vivre for....

2005-12-27T23:04:00.000-08:00

it sure is a joy of life for newlweds couple Elton John and his long time partner. This is the 2nd marriage for Elton John and first time for his spouse. Hope everything goes well for this couple. Theyve been waiting for 10 years, i guess and now theyre hitched. Though a not so low IQ person could tell that it is very wrong to marry the same sex...bla bla bla..All religions are dissapproving it..by the way,but hey,theyre human too.. Theyre like us.. So why discriminate..Who are we to say it's wrong to condone a same sex marriage.. We are not saints,nor we are god..God made us for who we are.. Juz have to accept it..Right?Somehow,people would say our fate is within our control and our hands.. Well.. I;ve nuthin to say..

Uniquely Singapore

2005-12-10T19:40:00.000-08:00

that's rite. Im in SG nw..Holiday-inn..hAHA. This is what ive been waiting for quite a while. Love the city,what more to say about the people and the crowd? Damn..it's been a while i didnt post a new thread. As far as i know..it has been months..Was so stress out during last few months. Assignments/Exams..And stOOpid relationships..Who cares..Just dating anyways..Not into a relationship. Like i said before..Love hurts.. Miss my friends back at home[Sunway City]. No worries..i'll b back,people.. But it's gonna b a new me i guess.. My final semester,Oooh,i kinda like/dislike that words..Haha. Hmm..i guess im gonna celebrate CHRISTMAS 2005 in Singah-pore..yeah yeah. Its been 2 years or so.. The things here are relatively cheap, i shud say.. If u ve money,Singapore is a heaven to you.... Lotsa things i wanna buy...but sigh..not enuff money..i already changed my HARI RAYA collection money to MYR ringgit..so i guess that's it..

suprise..suprise.

2005-10-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

Good things come to you without you even asked for. That's what happened to me yesterday. While i was busy preparing myself for buka puasa..my friend came to me..and said that he has a gift for me.

I was like.."Seriously,is it something kinky?"..jokingly i said not to expect it is for real. He meant what he said. He took out smething from his bag..Suprised! YES-I-WAS-SO-SUPRISED-.. Congrats, u did well to suprise me like hell.

He gave me new speakers for my PC..This cant be real but it happened. Haha. I was kinda speechless. Not even my birthday, not even hari raya. And not even Chrismukkah(those who watch the O.C shud know)..Such a sweetie.

I really need new speakers. My old ones suck, big time. With cracky sound it makes when i turn it loud, i just have to bear with it for months. Thanks to my hsemate..now i have new speakers.

It sounds better. Though it's not expensive, who cares anyways as long as it sounds great. At that particular time, i was overjoyed. Happy as i never was before. Hmm, what shud i give him in return..let see..

I know what u always wanted. Have to fork out my own money..but i dun mind..whoever does a good deed to me, that person shall be treated thrice as much as what they hv done to me.Period.

bring me to life.....

2005-10-24T01:13:00.000-07:00

yeah.im done with assignments..at least for this semester.what's next?just have to study for finals. i had a fuckin-lazy Sunday.Hmm...impressive..lazing on the bed, listening to music, sleep..and yes, im qualified to be called unproductive bitch for a day...Haha. Last few weeks was a nightmare..Didnt get enough sleep..Imagine..every day you sleep like 4 hours, then back in fronf of PC doing assignments, which also included your time checking emails and stuff.

Last Thursday morning, my assignment partner told me PM's wife passed away, rather tensed i arrogantly ignored the big news, i responded with
.."Okay, now get back to work..we have assignments to finish..". Kinda reflects of me. Whoa..thinking back, i should have reacted differently. My bad.

Well, here goes..To people out there..let's take a minute of silence, remembering of the demise of Allahyarhamah Datin Seri Endon Binti Dato' Mahmood Ambak on 20 October 2005(16 Ramadhan 1426)..My deepest condolonces to PM's family members..May peace be upon Datin Seri Endon..

Okay, i ve done my small part. Change topic.. hMm..for the past few days, my oldest and latest obsessions got mix up..i couldnt care any less..i need my life back... i need a time out..im lifeless if i stop obsessing smething. Here goes the list of my obsessions..

Busy!

2005-10-18T01:48:00.000-07:00

BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!
so lil' time...
so lil' time..
How I wish
there were..
48 hours in a day..

dont assume im happy when im not

2005-10-10T00:46:00.000-07:00

why cant i be happy?
all the evil deeds that i did..
now i have to pay the price
i do not blame God for what is happening
HE has all the reasons to punish me..
insecurities i have, only God knows why..
how i feel inside,
my heart screams but nobody's listening
there's no aid for heartbroken
even the best Doctor in town gives in before trying

why assume i'm happy when i'm not?
i smile endlessly but that doesnt mean i'm happy
cant you tell from my face?
endless sessions of evil laugh..
and i'm pretending to be happy...
catching up with friends..
and it puts me in a good mood..
but that dont tell you i'm happy.
i am wholly searching for happiness that i never had
im dying to meet someone that can show me
what is it like to be happy?
coz i never was

i have skeletons in my closet..
burdens that i carry all along
exhausted as i could be..
believe me,
my life is taxing
'am getting older each year
i ve grown up..
does that mean i ve seen enough?
does that make me matured enough?
why should i fretting over this shit
if i ever grown up?
why i carve
this on a heart that already,
broken into pieces..
fuck life.. fuck this, fuck that...
and that is what i did then..
hope all this shattered in a blink?
being irrationale yet moronic/demonic bitch was me..
confrontation is what i need.
Oh Lord...
let the insecurities inside me subside
and,
when i asleep..let me feel your L-O-V-E.

Ramadhan kembali lagi..

2005-10-04T23:54:00.000-07:00

*rather contradict with what i posted earlier
The Month of Ramadhan and Fasting
"O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you, as it was prescribed upon those before you in order that you may attain taqwaa."Surah al-Baqarah 2:183
Cambridge Muslims

Azan broke this evening's silence..
a moment awaits by the Muslims..
also, a farewell to Syaaban
nevertheless, a warm welcome to Ramadhan
then the Maghrib prayer is performed
tearful as the worldwide Muslims could be,
interpret as tears of joy..
i remembered the Imam told the people
we never know about years ahead..
"whether faith will bring us to Ramadhan again
Or this is the last Ramadhan to be enjoyed"

Life and death is a God's will
we can never question that
When it's time, its time..
Supposing a road to be taken,
eventually diverted us to a wrong end..
Supposing a journey to be experienced
mostly frustating, and less exciting
Along the way, i have been a mischevious kid
Unappreciated of what I have,
Abandoning what others dont..
Rather love to receive
than to give..

Being an unhealthy Muslim
is a saddening fact,
Each prayer, without our knowing..
we already made appointment to God
Imagine your own boyfriends/girlfriends
came so late for your important date
How do you feel?
And it happens many times..
How do you react?
The same feeling God has whenever
you accidentally or intentionally
perform your prayer at a later time
when you suppose to perform it earlier
Yet, God gives His undivided love to you
Whenever you face trouble..
HE helps you, given that you turn to HIM for solace

I aint here to preach,
i miss my 5-times a day prayer way too many
I, myself belong to the unhealthy Muslim,
surrounded by a pool dirty blood full of sin
Tell lies when i shouldnt
Give hope to people when there isnt any..
human is funny
whenever they face trouble, it's God whom they seek for
when they dont have problems, God is forgotten..
and only when Ramadhan comes,
people start to show green colour
when it finishes, everything turns black..
Sigh.....

For Muslims
further info on time to break fast and imsyak, please visit Utusan

Clubbing? Anyone?

2005-10-02T03:30:00.000-07:00

just got back from CLUBBING.damn! the DJ fucked up at the first half, but everything turned out well for the 2nd half(like watching Premier League). I went there alone. Such a loser.Like-I-Give-A-Damn! Im a good malay..so i dont drink..Went there just to dance.. Met someone really my cup of tea. I approached that person and gave positive remarks to that person. "yOU re good dancer" ..That person was flattered. smiled .. blushed, then ask my name.. huhu. So freakin happy...but I didnt ask for phone number..coz i dun wanna have just a fling!

What Am I To You?

2005-10-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

What Am I To You Norah Jones lyrics
Artist: Norah Jones
Album: Feels Like Home
Year: 2004
Title: What Am I To You

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
I opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
I opened up my heart
I never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies
I will love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

thank you is not just a word!

2005-09-30T02:12:00.000-07:00

i personally wanna thank.. my friend for helping me out for MPS assignment..

the time when i really needed help, u aint hesitant to give me helping hands..i really am grateful for having you as a friend. during my struggles, my assignment partners are gone by the wind..

one rather have a nice SILVER plate on the table having a healthy meal, the other is on fantasyland which is blinded by worldliness, not having to see the future is grey, and another one is blindfolded by his social routine, people claim when you get enough fame you live over the rainbow..
I certainly have flaws...but i question their nature obligations..
now back to work...

inspect-a-gadget

2005-09-28T02:06:00.000-07:00

if i hv enuff money, i would buy this....
Further information, please visit Creative

something inside me.

2005-09-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

i run under the drizzles. looking helpless, i try to find a perfect shelter. there i see an old house. this curiousity inside me makes me wander unusual things that would happen to me if i headed myself there. courage has taken over me. i walk near to the old, rotten house. it has one smell i could never describe. the closer i come to the house, my heart pounds harder. whatever happens, happens. it looks like rain is getting heavier. i move my steps quickly to the gloomy house. i am finally in. nothing valuable inside the house. it is dark everywhere.

sound of irritating frogs make the situation worst. as sudden as it may seem, the rain falls heavily with storm strikes every other minute. i try to cast my fear. i pretend to be calm but i cant. the old house is empty. while searching for something, i fall to the ground. then there's this old painting captures my eyes. i look sharp at the wonderful painting. it is a picture of young, vibrant couples whom i presume to live life happily.

i sit on the floor motionless. i cry for no reasons. there i am, trap in an old, rotten house to shelter myself from heavy rain with storm strikes incessantly. an eerie feelings strangers may have while looking a little distance from the old house. all i am waiting is for the heavy rain to stop, wish there would be no more storm and to come back to life, freely hang the old painting in my room and hoping for the sun to shine from the east.

Looking at the upside of friendship

2005-09-16T01:46:00.000-07:00

Is anyone here a big fan of drama series? Like Desperate Housewifes..Ok.Whatever.
Just wanna share this meaningful quotes taken from this ever-fuckin-hilarious-and-brilliant-drama series.

In Episode 16, when Gabriel(drop dead gorgeous lady) had a talk with Bree Van De Kamp(Ms-Perfect)..gosh her hair doesnt move..

"Good friends avoid each other after they've been humiliated"

"Great friends, pretend nothing happen in the first place"

Before it ends, Bree came to Gabby and so she said,

"Good friends offer to help when crisis"

"Great friends, dont take a note for an answer"

Hey,dont get it twisted. Im still a devil in disguise.

severe depression

2005-09-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

Was i deliberately hiding from the truth?
Act normal to friends, pretending nothing really happen.
You tell me.

I never pull out my decision at the eleventh hour.
It's just not me. There are times i went into severe depression. Commiting suicide really crossed my mind once. I just cant take it no more.

Last year, i almost give in while finishing C.B assignment. My love life is getting me nowhere. That was when I started smoking Malboro Light again sometime last semester. Then i quit after few weeks. I realized it wasnt going to do me any good. Also in last semester, my assignment partner gave me constant headache with a job-NOT-well-done.

A long time out is what i always look forward for. My grandparent's hse- a place like no other.
This constant severe depression leads me to seek a medication help. Im on drugs now. Not drugs drugs..but rather as you know what!

my life is complicated

2005-09-14T01:47:00.000-07:00

Lookin out the window, i breathe in the night breeze..thinking what my friend had said earlier to me. He addressed me issues that i myself may not know or rather pretend not to know about it. He got points. He sure did. But at certain points, I beg to differ. There's one thing you people should really know about me. When someone got me pissed, or use me as a laughing stock at the first or second time, i do not mind that to occur. I can forgive that. However, I will keep it in my heart and never would i burst my anger to that person. Even the same thing happens again and again, i let it be and act like nothing happen.

I'm a born actor, so 'am really good at keeping my emotions calm. It's not the time yet. After an endless humiliating sessions i go through, it's time to say 'I-have-had-enough-of-you' in a meaningful way which would be the unforgettable one-in-a-life-time experience for that person.

That's when hatred has power over me. My life is truly complicated.Whenever i dont like a person, even he/she's my friend, i ditch them with no questions asked. One of my housemates knows me better. I do not do it on purpose. When things get out of hands, i just have to do what ive got to do. I behave differently to each individual. I am an individualistic. No friends around me? Not a major problem, not even a problem to me. I backstab my own friends for not being rationale. My life is a total mess. Do not even mention about my love life.

Like i said, i aint a forgiving person. I know it is so wrong. What if someone did the same thing to me, and so my friend asked. I cant be bothered. You have rights to hate me.

Listen, **you hate somebody when there's a strong reason to do so..Not on impulse.

I love everyone around me really and i certainly do choose my friends. I know, i know...how long can all this last? Hatred, rage whatsoever. Hating someone it's like you are carrying more than 1 kg of tomatoes in a bag and the weight keeps increasing every single day. The longer you keep the tomatoes, it stinks horribly. The burden of tomatoes you carry equivalent to the burden of hatred you carry all along. I know myself too well. I can switch just like that. But hey, not at the time being, no.. I might let it go.. But i never know when would it be. My analogy for this unresolve issue is that **

*friend

2005-09-13T04:01:00.000-07:00

you know you re losing me,
im far beyond your reach..
things happen so fast,
we both have unresolve issues
that brings us miles away
could we remain as friends
like before,
could we be as close as we were
before..
could i ever had the old you
that bother not being worldliness
something has taken over you
without you even realising
the damage it has done to you
You..
were once my alibi
my confidant..
the one that knows me inside out
how naive i was in trusting you
it sure does a poignant truth to swallow
On a second thought,
you asked for it
this is the end results
your attitude repulses me
not only me, but also the world
you think 'you re all that'
you think 'you re God'
like Vertical Horizon's song..
the saying goes..
Your friends usually a reflection of yourself,
exteriorly, but never interiorly
Being disrespectful every other second
Has become the other half of you
Your level of rudeness is untolerable
you are unbelievably loud,
it irritates even strangers beside you
would you ever pin point my mistakes
where do i go wrong?
what have i got you into?
even in my silent
all i get is negative remarks from you incessantly
have i wrote you a testimonial before how petrify i could be
if our friendship comes to an end..
now it's too late
it really is happening and
it all left me with a broken smile....

*friend- dedicated to someone and it has got nothing to do with the person i cussed in my previous posts.

When Lil' Taj smiles..

2005-09-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

when lil' Taj smiles..
he brings happiness to everyone
ambitously he is, he wants to be a doctor
still in kindergarten, but never talk like small kids
he remembers important dates perfectly,
being the youngest son, he declines the existing fact
that youngest son is so pampered..

when he smiles,
he touches someone's heart,
not only his family, extended family
But also strangers
he counts..he has 5 friends
all Malay except him
never would he mind nor questionin

when he smiles,
naturally it leads him to laugh
then he blushes..
sweet lil punjabi boy with good looks
not only him but also his sisters..
too bad his sisters are taken
or else there would be another version
Of this light poem

HSBC(Cyberjaya) trip..

2005-09-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

9/9/2005

College trip to HSBC Cyberjaya..
The pictures speak it all.
We had a blast.
HSBC working environment and their culture is superb.
the trip it's like 'back-to-school'..
Some of us is leaving very soon..
i took this opportunity to have a great outing with friends.

excuse my English...

2005-09-10T01:10:00.000-07:00

and there goes the topic. excuse my English? what's that suppose to mean. just wanna tell people out there..what my feelings inside. i do know, some people talk. talkin behind my back. my English sucks, big time. yeah, i finally said that. even someone associates me with being Singaporean with broken English. My identity card shows clearly i belong to Malaysia. I aint pro Singapore. I'll put that topic up very soon. i still am learning and mastering the languuage. do accept my biggest apology if i ever used broken English which sometime does bring an embarrassment to my friends when i am around them. i started speak the language wholly since the past 3 years. remembering the time i first came to Sunway, my whole body was shivering when i spoke the language with the finance guy at the Sunway Finance Couner. i tried my best to keep myself calm but i cant.

the ever-sad-yet-horrendous memory i hold, there was one day i almost cry in front of my lecturer 'coz i failed to make my points accross during my final Economic presentation. i apologized to my lecturer and said ' excuse my English, i know my English is very bad. i felt useless and feebled. back then, it was a whole new world to me. having a huge transition in life from a Malay high school to this huge college where people widely spoken the one and only language. to friends, by any means please rectify my english as i make mistakes endlessly. who does not make mistakes anyways. 'am poorly written even spoken this international language. again, help me in this learning process and do no let me drown deeper and deeper slowly, painfully, colder as i can get into, leads me to delutionise my death which later becomes a painstaking reality to the one im closest with.

questionin..

2005-09-05T23:52:00.000-07:00

My friends keep questioning me. Question that i can never find an accurate answer at the time being. What's with not forgiving someone considers he or she is your friend(better still, your coursemate PLUS your assignment partner) like he or she has already committed a BIG SIN. Ya, i know that. I have taken that long ago into my consideration. But it just seems not right to me. I cant do that. I cannot possibly do that. I aint a forgiving person and above all, i am not apologetic of what i posted earlier. Hey, gimme a break. Stop accusing me for being mean. Looking at the upside, he or she is finishing his/her course at the end of the year and i will no longer see his fuck face. O-K-A-Y. I admit that I am mean. Even i call myself an evil biatch. If you guys non stop bringing this issue, you guys make me feel guilt. Isnt he or she wrong in the first place? Has he or she apologises to me for what he or she did. Blame him or her. Question him or her. Do not aim this poor lad. I have made my point. I am only his or her coursemate and assignment partner until there's a calling for me to forgive him or her which i dont think miracles will happen. After classes finish, i see him as a stranger. I live my own life, so is that good or bad, people? Are we suppose to follow a book telling you to do this and that or follow your heart? To him or her...too bad we are no longer "friends"..what a word? It's crystal clear now on where do i stand. To my other friends.. no worries, we are cool, arent we? ..Period.

Union Jack surrendered!

2005-08-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight, yes the same nite..back at 1957, the flag...they called Union Jack was brought down off the flag pole. It all took place in Selangor Club. A moment of proud to the locals who went against the colonist. The day after, 31st August 1957 Malaysians was in jubilant for its 1st year of independence. Tunku Abdul Rahman, our first ever Prime Minister shouted "Merdeka" ..7 times with each time was followed by people who flocked down at Merdeka Stadium to give Tunku their blessings and full support. Tears of joy was seen all over their faces, what more could we tell about Tunku's feelings at that moment. "Malaya was finally freed from the British" . Not to mention, the cruel Japanese soldiers who knew nothing about compassion and mercy. .who lives life for nothing, who feared nothing, who claimed as 'kamikaze'.

Tonight, it's Merdeka's Eve... Malaysia will commemorate its independence day of 48-year-old tommorow. I am, along with the other Malaysian could never ask for more but to celebrate this meaningful day with knowing the painful meaning of Merdeka. Let us all pray for our soldiers, our heroes who died while fought their soul in preserving our land from the colonists. May peace be upon them. Do not cry for them. They never want to see their grandchildren cry for them. All they ask from us is to retain our homeland from any means of colonisation, preserve our historical events so the next generation after us knows what went wrong, what actually happened, why it happened in the first place...

People, " The future is us to make..", let us all make it happen.. make it big.. make our great-grandfathers/grandmothers proud. Do not let the chance that we have slip away. I urge myself and to the rest of 'anak Malaysia'...

" The future is us to make"...
Do not let it slip away
Never waste the time we have
With something that's unworthy..
Walk steps ahead,
Do not make ourselves fool by the distractions
That world has to offer,
Never look back once we walk straight front..

B111, B107 then B407 -part 1

2005-08-25T09:53:00.000-07:00

When i first came to Sunway, i stayed at block b3, b111. Lotsa memories i can unfold. My first roomate was such a disaster. My homeboy, used to be good friend. Shorter than myself, untolerable big mouth, super wanna-be and playboy that was never successful in winning a girl's heart. We were taking C.I.M.P then. Not only us, but also Myat Thu Kyaw, staying next door.My forever good friend..A Burmese(Myanmar-Chinese). With him, another remarkable Myanmar guy, Zhou. I hardly get his name right. Two China guys plus one Nepalese make my unit so colourful. I miss out one Malaysian Chinese guy, who rented the 3rd room but never sleeps there, instead stayed at his gilfriend's apartment.

There was one day, when i returned from hometown, my roomate introduced me to this Indonesian Malay but never look like a malay to me. More to chinese, i guess. He was friendly enough but a bit reserved when i first met him. His name was Ryan Saputra. From Tangerang, Indonesia but have been staying in Malaysia for years. He spoke Malay and English fluently. His father is Chinese while his mom, is Malay. But they both have different beliefs and stick to different religion. I was so confuse but never want to ask any further.

He was a good companion to me. One thing about him is that he always asked me money. He spent money like water and his pockets dry at the middle of the month. I was like a ATM machine to him.Hehe but am not proud of that. His hobbies is none other than gambles. "Mar qee'' is what they called. Put money like $20cents or 1 dollar to this machine, let the horse runs 800meter. If it wins first place or so, the money is all yours. I pity him and even scolded him not to play but devil already have him as his best son.

There was one incident that really stopped me breathing for a few seconds. He stole my friend's handphone in front of me(coz he had no money..even though he was a former Kolej Tunku Jaafar's student). I was shocked, quickly told my friend about this. Ryan quickly make a move, he wanted to sell the phone to SgWang h/p dealer. My friend negotiated with him and said that he'll give him money, but tried to convince him not to sell the handphone. In the end, my friend got back his h/p and they never become friends since then. Ryan asked me, whether i told him about this, my answer was No.

Ryan kept failing from exams and his father decided to send him home. Stop studying forever, say hello to working full time with his dad.Haha. Enough of Ryan, now move to my roomate, Jeevan Sigaram. Everyone makes use of his name fully, in a wrong way..of course..hehe. Hey..'Garam'(Salt), is what he gets all the time. This punk have on mind he's all that. His mission before come to college was to befriend with rich kids to be 'in the club'. I never agreed with him in the very beginning, however he was very determined in doing so..i just have to let him drown in his fantasy world.

Congrats! He made himself known to all the rich kids..did the stuff that all this alter rubbish kids did. The end result was ..'tada.. his pockets dry for the first few weeks of the month, been known as a 'loser' who cant drink alcohol but yet tryin to act like hero, got played by his own friends, best of all was that he got "super D-U-M-B-A-S-S academic results for C.I.M.P. Ooops, wait he didnt finish C.I.M.P. That results was even worst from his SPM results. Im not even apologetic for what I write 'coz that's the price to pay for joining 'the club'. He chose his life to be that pathethic. After his horrendous experience in Sunway, he left for Help University College. Huhuhu. LOL. He definitely needs help after all. A man with "attitude"...can never go far.

Writing about that jerk makes me feel like bashing him with dumb-bell(the 10kgs). I have had enough of him. 6 months staying with him was like years spending in jail. When i returned from holiday, Jeevan had already shifted upstairs. I was told by Mr Jeffrey(Hostel Master) that me and the rest of the gang have to shift to other place for no strong reason. He with his fuckface, damn..When i asked 'Why'... He replied 'We have power to do so..and we do not have to disclose any details about it'. Eat shit! I trembled, dont know where to go. Two options, he gave me. Eiher go to b107 or the opposite unit which mainly full of Bangladeshis and Indians. Act wisely, i chose b107. Back to Seremban that same day, i phoned Myat to let him know about this. Then, the day after or the week after i came back from Seremban.. We both shifted to b107.

When we shifted, there was no one in the unit. Everyone was on holidays. My new roomate, was not back yet. Damn happy, he got television in the room. Happy seehh. I had glance of someone when that person opened the main door. He had frowns in his head. Then he headed straight to our room. He introduced himself as Martin Tea Min Chet. I said sorry to him 'coz i watched TV without his permission..but he was okay with that.

The room 1 guy always wakes up early morning. I guess that's when his first class get started.
While he was brushing his teeth, he said 'Hi' to me. I replied-lah. He mentioned that he stayed at room 1. Introduced himself as Kevin Boey. Next, one after another. His roomate, named Yeo Cheng Hong introduced himself to me. We all become friends. One by one came back from holiday. This time, 'Ah Guan'..His looks fooled me. He potrayed this image of very nerdy college guy. And i heard that he's a pro-gamer. Ok whatever-lah. When i paid my tuition fees at Sunway Finance counter, i observed this one short guy. To me, he was so fucking annoying. While paying his fees, he flirted sheepishly with this ugly lass while his father was behind him. Damn, this guy...i said in my heart cussing him all out.

Then back to my apartment..Shit happened. That guy i just dissed in my heart was my other housemate. Double-f-u-c-k-. Yikes. Like it or not...have to swallow it. He introduced himself as Kelvin. The last person to come back was Vincent..A sino kadazan from Sabah. Thank God he's one fine guy..taking the same course as i do.

There we have it.. The originals b107 plus me and Myat.

Room1 = Kevin Boey
Yeo Cheng Hong

Room 2= Kelvin
Vincent

Myat Thu Kyaw
' Ah Guan'

Room 3= Me
Martin Tea Min Chet

Next up, talking about my good friend..Myat Thu Kyaw. This guy was a joker. He never failed to make me feels pain in the stomach with his jokes. Laugh, laugh, non stop laughing..I miss him a lot. Everyone else feels the same way too(the Housemates). One fine day, not expecting anything to happen.. when i was washing my mugs/plates..cant remember. He was all set behind me and threw a pile of water to me without prior notice. I dont know how to react, angry or sad. He then yelled, "Happy Myanmar Day"....then he laughed. ??? Weird. I got the message, this is what they usually do during their festival. It's a grant day for Burmese...and the day is their New Year...They celebrate the day with throwing water to people, even strangers.

How wonderful their festival is where everyone's having fun without giving a damn of who you are. I, without any delay was up for that challenge and with smiles all over my face, i chased Myat and took a peaceful revenge with another pile of water. Water splashed everywhere, we were laughing. He was all wet, so was I. The game was not over yet, one of my housemates, named Yeo Cheng Hong came to the kitchen. With the spirit of 'Happy Myanmar Day', i had him wet within seconds. He was a bit angry, but then played the game along. He opened the water pipe from the bathroom, and pointed at me. I was like...'AaaaAaah, youre so dead. We all burst out laughing...Those were the days.. I miss those times.

Like the saying goes...grass is not always greener. ..To be continued..

Song of my heart...

2005-08-12T21:27:00.000-07:00

Kelly Clarkson - Addicted

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me

It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me

It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

Written by Kelly Clarkson/David Hodges/Ben Moody)Published by Smelly Songs (ASCAP)/12:06 Publishing (BMI)/SmellsLikeMetal Publishing/Dwight Frye Music, Inc. (BMI)all rights administered by Dwight Frye Music, Inc. (BMI)

Poem Like No Other..

2005-08-10T20:59:00.000-07:00

"America" - Yasmin Ahmad

"Like smelling salts
to the senses,
coffee
in an American breakfast.
American coffee aroma;
invisible demons
rising from dusty nuts
and glowing cinders.
Coffee,
like a sweaty African widow;
a frenzied tussle in bed,
leaving you with
scars
that can never go,
smells
you can never forget.

O America.
I have nothing but
praise
for your inadvertent
ways;
your lemming ambitions,
your earnestness
and your endless
speeches;
your humanitarian
inhumanities;
your refined
vulgarities;
your wisdoms
that are almost always
born
out of wedlock,
fathered
by ignorance.

You rape all things native,
erase all things grey,
until all that is left
is like coffee;
black
or white,
good
or bad.

O America.
The world dreams of being like you;
secretly covets
all that is yours,
just as you once coveted
all that was not.

O America.
Coated with stains of
coffees
from faraway lands.
Coffees that sailed
in little Mayflowers.
Coffees that were at first
lean,
were overfed,
became obese
and became
America.

Became
sidewalk cafes.
With large
Anglo-Saxon women
donning French hats
and Italian shoes,
sipping Colombian refills.
Their eyes widen
and their eye-shadow
creases.
Their smiles are wide
and their teeth are many.
They are
inspired,
as they always are,
with an idea,
a big idea,
a larger-than-life idea.

Suddenly,
a Puccini aria becomes
the soundtrack
to a Hollywood movie.
Suddenly,
Mozart’s divertimenti
are gracing
a Tupperware party,
with endless chatter
and rivers of coffee.

They say
a people is the child
of the environment.
As for me,
I don’t know,
I think you are
as you should be.
You are
America.

For certain
I sing my praises for you.
For certain
I raise my cup of
Starbuck
to you.
Perhaps because
I am not you.
Or from you.
Or with you.
Or black
and living among you.

But just the same,
God bless America.
Because if He doesn’t,
God help the world."

posted by yasmin at 6.00am

"Courtesy of Yasmin Ahmad, one of Malaysia's most promising indie film makers." Taken from http://yasminthestoryteller.blogspot.com (It's a must visit to all bloggites)

A nite not to remember..

2005-08-10T17:47:00.000-07:00

28th July 2005

Seems juz like another casual day for me..The same routine I have only for the first week of my 5th semester. After finish classes in the afternoon, me and my friends will head to a gymnasium somewhere in Mid Valley as to keep fit. I will first start with stretching my body, then go for treadmill machine..run as far as i could where i actually not making a move from my current position. This machine is good for building up my stamina because my heart beat is over the average which the personal trainer says totally not good for myself. I run like 15 minutes or so before going to other machines. For hours exercising like I was close to get six packs, it's already dark outside. That day, I was patiently waiting for a friend of mine to join the gym for trial duration of 2 weeks. Fuck, he came too late and I was trying to keep myself calm and relax not to burst my anger to him. There he was, filling up the forms and stuff. I need him to drive me home and asked him to wait for me. Meantime, me and my friends headed to sauna, and get washed up.

This is where the story begins. All of us have skipped our dinner because of gym and our stomach began to play doll drum. I asked my friend where would we go for dinner. Spontaneously in his mind was RSB(Restoran Sri Bidara). I was okay with that..then i asked my other friend. This idiotic friend of mine replied with unacceptable manners! He, with one of a kind tone told me that "if you guys want to have dinner and conversate until late at nite, you better send me home first!" (Somewhat similar to that). I was like 'Damn, this 'Yellow' guy got no manners and he would have a real fist fight with my friend(the one that's sending us home) if he was piss off. I presume my friend("Yellow guy") was so lucky that my other friend did not take his words personally. If not..sigh!

It did not stop there. Again, I ,with a kind heart asked him again whether he wants to have dinner at RSB taking into account that his housemates really want to have dinner there. Pathethically, he replied the same. Because of his irritating stubbornness, he forgone his housemates' needs to have dinner there. I was rather in a complete shock with his behaviour. This was the second time i came accross this unwanted situation with him. Not wanting to spoil the night, i asked my friend to send all of them home first, then only i would have dinner peacefully. What a nite not to remember..but i guess it would be the other way..Later, i opened my MSN messenger, changed the settings and put up a strong message. It goes something like this... "Message goes to a friend of mine- Your irritating stubbornness makes yourself complicated and absurd"

This picture represents you know who!

Let the new semester begins..

2005-08-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

Monday July 25,

Damn!Time passed so fast and it's like yesterday I was in Anchorvale Road spending my short break for two weeks and now back to school, Sunway University College. A place like no other, 'coz it's full of fakers/wannabes,richie richs,yuppies, just to name a few. Mixed feelings, I have..not even happy, and balanced with total sadness. New semester begins today and lecture hall will flock by students from January and July '03 intake. This semester's agenda is big for me, and sacrifying things I love doing is hard. It never will be an easy road for me. However, my heart knows it's for the better. If not now, when would it be?I worth something, I need to prove the world my existence isnt merely due to the arising of world population. Change is the exact word.. and I will change myself for my own good.End.

Raise The Black Flag

2005-08-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

Raise The Black Flag!

History of the Black Flag

There are ample accounts of the use of black flags by anarchists. Probably the most famous, was Nestor Makhno's partisans during the Russia Revolution. Under the black banner, his army routed a dozen armies and kept a large portion of the Ukraine free from concentrated power for a good couple years (see Peter Arshinov's History of the Makhnovist Movement for details of this important movement). On the black flag was embroidered "Liberty or Death" and "The Land to the Peasant, The Factories to the Workers." [Peter Marshall, Demanding the Impossible, p. 475] In the 1910s, Emiliano Zapata, the Mexican revolutionary, used a black flag with a skull & crossbones & the Virgin on it -- it also had "Land & Liberty" as a slogan ("Tierra y Libertad"). In 1925, the Japanese anarchists formed the Black Youth League and, in 1945, when the anarchist federation reformed, their journal was named Kurohata (Black Flag) [Op. Cit., p. 525-6]. More recently, Parisian students carried black (and red) flags during the massive General Strike of 1968 as well as at the America Students for a Democratic Society national convention of the same year. At about the same time, the British based magazine Black Flag was started and is still going strong. Today, if you go to any sizeable demonstration you will usually see the Black Flag raised by the anarchists present.

But the anarchists' black flag originated much earlier than this. The first account is actually unknown. It seems that this credit is reserved for Louise Michel, famous participant in the Paris Commune of 1871. According to Anarchist historian George Woodcock, Michel flew the black flag on March 9, 1883, during demonstration of the unemployed in Paris, France. An open air meeting of the unemployed was broken up by the police and around 500 demonstrators, with Michel at the front carrying a black flag and shouting "Bread, work, or lead!" marched off towards the Boulevard Saint-Germain. The crowd pillaged three baker's shops before the police attacked. Michel was arrested and sentenced to six years solidarity confinement. Public pressure soon forced the granting of an amnesty. [George Woodcock, Anarchism, pp. 251-2]. However, anarchists had been using red-and-black flags a number of years previously (see next section) so Michel's use of the colour black was not totally without precedence.
Not long after, the black symbol made it's way to America. Paul Avrich reports that on November 27, 1884, the black flag was displayed in Chicago at an Anarchist demonstration. According to Avrich, August Spies, one of the famous Haymarket martyrs, "noted that this was the first occasion on which [the black flag] had been unfurled on American soil." [Paul Avrich, The Haymarket Tragedy, pp. 144-145]

On a more dreary note, February 13, 1921 was the date that marked the end of black flags in Soviet Russia. On that day, Peter Kropotkin's funeral took place in Moscow. Masses of people whose march stretched for miles, carried black banners that read, "Where there is authority there is no freedom." [Paul Avrich, The Anarchists in the Russian Revolution, p. 26] It seems that black flags didn't appear in Russia until the founding of the Chernoe Zhania ("black banner") movement in 1905. Only two weeks after Kropotkin's funeral march, the Kronstadt rebellion broke out and anarchism was erased from Soviet Russia for good.

Continues...

Taken from "An Anarchist FAQ" http://www.infoshop.org/faq/append2.html

Why the Color Black?

It seems that figuring out when the connection was made is easier than finding out why, exactly, black was chosen. The Chicago "Alarm", which is right from the horses mouth, stated that the black flag is "the fearful symbol of hunger. misery and death" (A vrich, The Haymarket Tragedy, 144). Bookchin asserts that the black flag is the "symbol of the workers misery and as an expression of their anger and bitterness." (Bookchin, 51n1).

Along these lines, Albert Meltzer maintains that the association between the black flag and working class revolt "originated in Rheims [France] in 1831 ("Work or Death") in an unemployed demonstration (Meltzer, 49). In fact he goes on to assert that it wa s Michel's action in 1883 that solidified the association. But there are other possibilities.

Black is a very powerful color, or anti-color as it were. The 1880s were a time of extreme anarchist activity. The Black International saw the introduction of "propaganda of deed" as an anarchist platform. Historically black has been associated with blood -- dried blood specifically -- like the red flag. So while it is tied to working class rebellion, it was also a symbol of the nihilism of the period.

"Anarchism and the History of the Black Flag" By Jason Wehling (July 14, 1995 -- Bastille Day!). Taken from http://www.spunk.org/texts/intro/sp001492/blackflg.html